Growing up I had experiences from which my ego became aware of the need for protection against:
Trauma.
And one of my trauma responses was to over analyse absolutely everything and everyone to ensure that no matter what, I will foresee an outcome and have a plan A-Z for an exit plan.
To be completely aware of any and all possible outcomes so that I could be prepared and control myself, or attempt to control the outcome.
I became a master at pattern recognition.
I studied and read micro expressions, studied psychological behaviours and the resulting effects of them. I practiced reading people whenever I would be in a public space.
I would feel into the energy, the intent of that person.
What do they want from me or what do they want to do to me?
I used my intuition from a fear based place, and my mind ran the show.
And all of this was as a result of trauma.
One of the largest lessons I’ve moved through was turning this trauma response into a modality of healing. Firstly within myself, and now, in collaboration with you.
It took practice upon practice to turn the immediate panic response into a space of compassion.
A space of noticing.
A space wherein others’ patterns, behaviours, (and my gut feelings/guidances) were rather indicators to their own hurts, and where they needed support.
How often have you walked into a room thinking everyone’s judging you when in reality it’s just you judging yourself?
Your perception of the weapons of others is usually what your own mind is holding unto itself.
Where I am now is a place where I can truly say I’ve turned my pain into pleasure.
My heavy metals into a gold.
My trauma into my gift.
I now use the awareness that once was a protective mechanism, to be a tool to allow others to move out of their own survival, and into healing.
I talked before about the root of actions and whether they are based in love or fear, and this is an example I definitely wanted to share.
Some of your biggest crutches in life are actually the tools you are given to help others.
Your biggest fears are where the biggest lessons will be (and potentially the most bountiful).
As we move through this next phase, past this month, this moon cycle, I invite you to witness and embrace a part of yourself you may think is a weakness, or a crutch.
Is there an underlying narration that’s telling a story different to the actuality?
Every superpower, when unknown and unaware, is perceived dangerous.
Allow awareness here and play with the antiquities of psychological narratives.
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